What's this feeling?

I wear my feelings on my sleeve. I tend to share my heart and thoughts very openly. I trust people easily, I am given to hugging people I have just met, I am open, talkative, and enjoy laughing and sharing life with people.. your typical "people-person". But what is this feeling that is tugging on my heart... oh yeah, it's doubt... DOUBT! Ugh, what an ugly word!

doubt- to be uncertain about; consider questionable or unlikely; hesitate to believe.

Yup, that pretty much sums up my heart struggle these past few weeks. This is a new feeling for me, like I said earlier, I don't usually struggle with trust... I tend to sway towards trusting too much, even when trust is undeserved.. and Christ most certainly deserves all the trust.. so why is this so hard to live out? Michael is asking me to trust him and God that He will provide all we need & that everything will be okay.. God will get us there.. and it's not really the getting there that worries me really.. it's this process now, the deputation and preparation part. Michael is done with Target on May 31st. This prospect and reality scares me...

I know the church answer that God will provide and that we can trust Him, but when push comes to shove, it's a scary thing.. I feel like I am standing at the edge of a cliff, and I realize that either God really is the only one who will get us through or that it's us who gets us through.. and even though I don't want to admit it, sometimes I think I am struggling with what I believe to be true...and I have believed the lie that we are somehow in control.. That's honest, and it's ugly. So tonight: I am letting go of my messed up perception.. I am jumping into the loving arms of God and He is there waiting with outstretched arms!

He knows that my heart is hammering inside me and I am struggling with doubt.. but guess what? I refuse to let doubt win, I will trust!

We will soon be living on the US support schedule and fully relying on our givers as we finish out raising all that is needed. We are needing to be 50% funded by August and as close to 100% funded by March. There is much work to be done. This journey in trusting God and knowing that He will provide and choosing to trust him to take care of our needs this side of the ocean is an awesome step for us. How silly of me to think that I could trust Him to take care of us some 3,000 miles from here, but that He really can't take care of us right now is ridiculous. My doubt has caused me to really look into my mess of a heart and listen more closely to God and it's causing me to let go of my thoughts that I control anything.. because let me tell you, I control nothing. I have relinquished my selfish thoughts and am choosing instead to trust God that He will provide!

We are so thankful for faithful givers, thankful for people who have partnered with us to see God's fame be advanced in Italy, we are humbled by your giving. Humbled by your trust in what God has called us to. Knowing that God is preparing hearts and minds there now, how we pray for you and pray also for those we will see soon in Italy! What an amazing God we serve! I am so excited to get there, knowing that this next year will be filled with sharing our journey into missions and our mission to Italy... Knowing it's all about God's glory!

The passion I feel for the lost is what keeps me pressing on, my heart is crying out to follow, to love, to feel what God feels... it bring me to tears in prayer time, my voice cries out that I want to love like Jesus, to share His love to the nations... when I stop focusing on me.. I focus more on what it's really all about, bringing the lost to know Jesus!

Passports & Prayer Cards!

It was so cool to get our passports in the mail!! It only took fifteen days for us to get them! It's my very first passport and I was so excited when they arrived, I squealed a bit. :) We are still needing to get our kids', but we are planning to get theirs in January of 2012, because they only last 5 years for kids. We'll see if I can hold out that long to get theirs done or not...

Every step completed makes my heart flutter! It makes the reality seem clearer, more attainable, and somehow brings a greater sense of urgency. This urgency to complete what God has set before us, to strive towards the goal, and keep pressing onward!

We are pressing on, knowing full well that it's a long road yet until we reach Italy, there is much left to do. We have funds left to raise, training to do, speaking dates on the calendar, and at least one trip to Italy to find housing and the neighborhood in which we will minister before we officially board that plane to start church planting.

This is Michael's last weekend at Target. As I type this statement, I am still processing all that it means. He works until May 31st, but it's his last working weekend. The level of trust and faith it's taken to make this decision, all the people praying for us, and supporting us, it's awe inspiring! God is so good, He is faithful, and we know that this decision is the right one. It's time for us to focus solely on the call.... I can't wait to see what this next few months will bring! The moments that will shape us, stretch us, and how we respond.... I am so thankful to have this blog, I think that as I look back over this missionary journey, the words I've written in times like this will help remind me of all that God has done! He's doing a good thing! I am trying to take heart, this is a scary step for me....

Which is why having the prayer cards is so great now, we need lots of prayer! Please continue to lift us up!! We so appreciate your prayers! We are thankful to have some intercessors who are praying for us daily. We are trying to build that team of people who we can share some prayer requests with, it's one of the things on our to-do list this summer. We plan to get an email going to fill people in on personal prayers and ministry needs. If you would want to be a part of this, please email us at michael.johnson@avmi.org. Thanks!!

Caleb is fourteen!

Birthday Breakfast!

Yesterday our son Caleb turned fourteen years old. Time has gone so fast! We are so incredibly blessed by the young man that he has become, we are so proud!

The day started off with birthday breakfast, a tradition we do each year with ebelskiver (Danish pancakes) and homemade Orange Julius. Yum! Then it was off to school for him and when he got home my parents were here and we all went out to dinner at Outback Steakhouse! Caleb had his favorite, steak! Then it was back to our house for cake and ice cream.

Grandma & Grandpa Kingston

Green cupcake cake in honor of his favorite team the Celtics

I made his cake this time, borrowing this really cool giant cupcake pan from a friend, it turned out cute!

It is amazing to think that this time next year, we will be packing and getting ready to board a plane in a few short weeks to head to Italy. Next years birthday for Caleb will mark a new beginning for all shorts of things!

Giant Leap!

It has been weeks of prayer and weeks of others praying for us as we have sought discernment about when Michael should step away from his job at Target. We felt the Lord calling us to greater commitment to our most important job; missions. Juggling two full-time jobs for Michael has been quite draining, and as you probably well know, something has to give in order to get through your day... and the job that was lacking his attention was missions. So, he put in his notice at Target and will be done working there June 1st. Talk about a giant leap of faith! We know that God will and has provided and that with our focus being solely on the mission of missions, we will see growth in our fund raising and growth in our faith as we trust God with everything and wow, do I mean everything!!

I am so thankful for this place that God has us in right now! I feel this immense peace in a situation that should fill me with immense anxiety... and if you know me well, you know I struggle with worry and anxiety.. so, God is doing His thing in us BIG TIME!

We do ask for your prayers as this giant leap of faith is not easy, we ask that you pray for our continued peace and for our funding to come quickly. We are so excited about the many ministry opportunities that we have this summer! I will let Michael blog about some of those... he's so excited about them! We are grateful beyond words for our faithful supporters, who are providing encouragement, finances and prayer!! Wow, we are so blessed!

Do you want to join us in our mission to Italy? We would love to chat with you about how to give. Our email is michael.johnson@avmi.org. Thank you for reading and sharing in this great journey that God has us on~ you are a part of it too!

Mother's Love

Times goes by so quickly! I remember making mother's day cards in school and little gifts and trinkets that I brought home so proudly to give to my mom to honor her... those days have changed and now I am on the receiving end of getting those precious little trinkets and cards! And oh, how I love the words that my not so little ones anymore write in the cards they pick out at Hallmark.. at 11 and 13; they don't make those cute little cards in school anymore.. but how I love to read their words! I love seeing their handwriting scribed to me. I am so blessed, I get to hear the word Mom (used in many different tones ;) ) every single day! What an extreme joy it is to be a mom!

This is a weekend filled with remembering Mom's. I am so thankful for my mom! I am looking forward to seeing her on Sunday. Being a mom now myself, I see so much more clearly how very much she did for me. As a child she protected me, nurtured me, encouraged me, loved me unconditionally and gave me a great example to follow, and I am so grateful for her! Happy Mother's Day!

My mom & I

Thankful Thursday

I am thankful today! What a great reminder that today is a day of thanks! I have so much to be thankful for: rest, family, a wonderful husband, and today I am especially thankful for friendship. My good friend Teresa called me just a bit ago and said she wanted to treat me to lunch! How awesome is that?! I am so excited and am actually heading out the door here in just a moment, but I wanted to write down the joy and thankfulness I am feeling for a day that is going so much easier than yesterday. What a full week it's been and I am looking forward to fellowshipping over a wonderful lunch with a great friend.

Numbers 6:24-26

"The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace."