The joy of being three..

I started a new job today. I am working at Lincoln Berean Church in childcare during Titus Women Bible Study. I am in charge of the three and four year old room and we had about 24 kiddos today. My four other co-workers were men, a very cool thing that men are serving in this role while the women's bible study is going on. It was a thoroughly enjoyable three and a half hours of work time!

Watching how little ones interact with each other and the dynamics of friendship at this age group is fascinating. I am amazed at how quickly most of the kids just play with everyone. However, there was one little boy today who did not open up quickly.  He hung onto me and stayed by my side almost all morning. He was new to the group.. some of these kiddos have gone through a few seasons of childcare together. He was so cute as he observed from afar how things were going.  I was happy to hold him and play close to the group, but not exactly with the group. I could see by the end of our time that he was taking small steps to hang out with his peers. I saw myself in him a bit. I love the comfort of knowing people, knowing how things are going to go, the routine of life. It's hard to figure out how things work when you're new to a situation, I am thankful when I have one person who seems to speak my language and am content to watch from afar as I figure out who I want to get to know better. I am looking forward to our next time together to see how he relates to the group. I know that with more encouragement he'll open up and play with someone. He was the sweetest thing, I was thankful for a bit of one on one with him today.

I am thankful for those few people in my life who speak my language.. who know my heart, who encourage me to open up... and push me on to new things!

Thoughts of a mom

Emotions of motherhood; I feel for my children and myself. It's strange how sensitive you can be for your own children. How you feel such empathy, hurt, happiness, nerves, whatever the feeling so strongly for them. I am dealing with emotions of feeling left out right now.. it's not really me who's being left out, but wow, you'd think it was, at the depth of the pain I feel when it happens to my kids.

Being in a new school, dealing with people who've known each other for years, established friendships and being the "new kid" is hard. I was talking with a friend today about how she is dealing with this same thing with her daughter who is much younger than my kids, but how we both thought that it might bother us more than it does our daughters. Isn't that a thought.. does it bother Faith as much as it bothers me? And so I asked her what she was feeling when this happens.. and she said, it does bother her a lot, but she tries to just ignore it.

Then there is the added bonus of social media, you find out about it through pictures on facebook or status updates as soon as the event is taking place... I am glad I didn't have facebook to deal with when I was in Jr. High or High School, it brings another element of social drama! Here's just another thing I need to lay down and try to push through with Jesus.. grateful for His grace and praying I can extend that grace as these situations happen.. I feel like I'm in high school again.. good thing I'm young and remember how it felt, it's very fresh in my mind.. hoping I can impart some wisdom to her as we deal with many more years of these types of things.. She'll make it through and so will I. Just pray for my heart and for good inclusive friendships!

Happy 34th Birthday...

I celebrated my 34th birthday on December 25th, so yes, I know it's not actually my birthday today, but I had the privilege of celebrating it with a wonderful girlfriend today! Teresa took me out to lunch and then to get a pedicure. You should see my cute toes.. they are red and sparkly! :) What a day of pampering it was!

Michael had written in my birthday card that my 35th would be better.. ha ha, due to the circumstances of our life right now, I think he was right... but it's important no matter what is happening to celebrate life. What a blessing it is to have a birthday and to celebrate another year of life.

Today was really fun! I am blessed to have such a wonderful friend who treated me to a wonderful afternoon. It made me stop and give thanks for this past year.. for another year of wisdom, friendships, and life.  No matter the circumstances surrounding us right now, there is much to be celebrating!

New Year!

I have been silent for quite awhile. I've been slightly overwhelmed with our current situation and I haven't felt like sharing the emotion of it.. I've chosen instead to journal in a more private way. The journey isn't over, it's really only just beginning. But the beginning to what is still unknown to us.. we have a good feeling as to what and where we'll be serving, but right now we are  journeying the possibilities as a family.

I have to say that the grief has been difficult to take, the what ifs, what could have been, should we, could we, blah, blah.. runs over my mind, over our conversations less and less these days. Praise God! We've had many verbal vomit moments and talks through every which way things are, aren't, should be, shouldn't be and we just have to release it back to God. He knows... He sees each tear, hears every plea of our hearts and loves us when we are so unlovable. I am blessed by the wisdom of our children, amazed at their focus on what really matters and reminders as we wait on the Lord... Life Happens, but God is God no matter what life brings!

I have cried more tears than I thought possible, screamed out to God in utter frustration as we've dealt with this uncertainty, and many times I've felt like we've been left on the curb or like a little ant being burned with a large magnifying glass... that pretty much sums up my emotion the last few months.. but through it all, I know that God is faithful, that He is still on the throne, that He loves me even though I fail Him every single day.. I am so grateful for His unfailing love...

Also, so thankful for our supporters, the grace they have extended us is beyond belief! They've encouraged us through prayer and continued financial support as we are in transition.. we are so thankful for their love and the many ways they have supported us as we go through this. Praising God for their faithfulness! We are blessed by amazing friends and family who have journeyed the tough times, the raw emotion of the past few months and stuck by us. I can't even fathom how draining we've been... we are going to owe these people a really nice dinner out when this is all said and done! :)

I hope to be back to a more regular update through the blog.. 2012 is going to be a great year and I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store. Pray for us as we continue into a new ministry/mission... it's going to be good to have more details to share soon we pray!