Happy 34th Birthday...

I celebrated my 34th birthday on December 25th, so yes, I know it's not actually my birthday today, but I had the privilege of celebrating it with a wonderful girlfriend today! Teresa took me out to lunch and then to get a pedicure. You should see my cute toes.. they are red and sparkly! :) What a day of pampering it was!

Michael had written in my birthday card that my 35th would be better.. ha ha, due to the circumstances of our life right now, I think he was right... but it's important no matter what is happening to celebrate life. What a blessing it is to have a birthday and to celebrate another year of life.

Today was really fun! I am blessed to have such a wonderful friend who treated me to a wonderful afternoon. It made me stop and give thanks for this past year.. for another year of wisdom, friendships, and life.  No matter the circumstances surrounding us right now, there is much to be celebrating!

New Year!

I have been silent for quite awhile. I've been slightly overwhelmed with our current situation and I haven't felt like sharing the emotion of it.. I've chosen instead to journal in a more private way. The journey isn't over, it's really only just beginning. But the beginning to what is still unknown to us.. we have a good feeling as to what and where we'll be serving, but right now we are  journeying the possibilities as a family.

I have to say that the grief has been difficult to take, the what ifs, what could have been, should we, could we, blah, blah.. runs over my mind, over our conversations less and less these days. Praise God! We've had many verbal vomit moments and talks through every which way things are, aren't, should be, shouldn't be and we just have to release it back to God. He knows... He sees each tear, hears every plea of our hearts and loves us when we are so unlovable. I am blessed by the wisdom of our children, amazed at their focus on what really matters and reminders as we wait on the Lord... Life Happens, but God is God no matter what life brings!

I have cried more tears than I thought possible, screamed out to God in utter frustration as we've dealt with this uncertainty, and many times I've felt like we've been left on the curb or like a little ant being burned with a large magnifying glass... that pretty much sums up my emotion the last few months.. but through it all, I know that God is faithful, that He is still on the throne, that He loves me even though I fail Him every single day.. I am so grateful for His unfailing love...

Also, so thankful for our supporters, the grace they have extended us is beyond belief! They've encouraged us through prayer and continued financial support as we are in transition.. we are so thankful for their love and the many ways they have supported us as we go through this. Praising God for their faithfulness! We are blessed by amazing friends and family who have journeyed the tough times, the raw emotion of the past few months and stuck by us. I can't even fathom how draining we've been... we are going to owe these people a really nice dinner out when this is all said and done! :)

I hope to be back to a more regular update through the blog.. 2012 is going to be a great year and I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store. Pray for us as we continue into a new ministry/mission... it's going to be good to have more details to share soon we pray!

Nuggets of wisdom in gift wrapping...

What a wonderful week it's been! I started a new job gift wrapping at Von Maur and I am really loving it. What I've learned while wrapping and fellow shipping with the women I work with is that loving what you do makes a huge impact. The joy that I've experienced in the week I've been there is so refreshing. I've been able to enjoy my shifts because of the attitude of my coworkers. I am one of the "young ones", most of the ladies could easily be my mom.. it's fun to see how seasoned wrappers keep their cool when the gift line gets full and they just seem to enjoy the gift they are on without rushing and they help me keep perspective when it's felt overwhelming.. how I admire their patience.

Enjoying this time of year when life is rushing around us at high speeds seems impossible some days, but what I have been reminded is that taking time to enjoy the moment regardless of the demands is what's most important. Every moment matters! So savor each moment with your family, enjoy the shopping, the wrapping, and breath deep the joy of this remarkable season!

A word from my Hubby... An End & New Beginnings....

Proverbs 16:8-9 “Better is a little with righteousness, than much gain with injustice. In his heart a man will plan his course, but the LORD determines his steps.”

These verses, these promises and truth of scripture, have been sustaining me the past two weeks. I have had to hold close to these promises as our lives, plans, and calling has been deconstructed around me. It has been extremely difficult but most times, as Christians and leaders, we are called to make difficult choices. These choices look foolish or incomprehensible to those without the grace of Christ in their life, I am not entirely sure that I understand all of the on goings, but another promise of scripture rings true, “Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail they are new every morning.” So, I ask to receive some grace from you as all of this is reveled. We need your prayers and support now more than ever over the past year.

As of now we are officially not going to Rome to plant churches with Avant Ministries. There were a number of factors that went into that decision, some having to do with my giftedness for ministry and what my calling is or should be, some related to our team and a number of issues that we had, and some personal. We are sill missionaries with Avant and are praying about several options for our continued ministry with them and missions. I realize that those are some very generic terms, so allow me to add a little substance to each of those thoughts, however, this will be a synopsis; words are hard to describe the gravity of the last year and how we got to this point. If you have questions please e-mail or call me so we can talk more.

All of you who know me or have worked with me have known that youth ministry is something that I am truly passionate about. I love working with kids and teens to get them pointed toward a direction that will lead to them know Jesus Christ. This was why I went to Grace University, to work in youth. As we walked in faith, God did not allow for a job in that area. We eventually went to missions as we felt God moving us that way, but part of both Renee and I still wanted to minister to teens. We thought that we would just incorporate this into our church planting efforts but we have been informed that is not the most effective way of planting a church. That is not to say that we could not work with teens, but making it a main component of church planting would be difficult. 

Our team was unique in many aspects, most of them made it hard to lead out effectively. We were the first team that Avant ever had go through COP at the same time in July of 2010. By the end of 2010 we had lost one couple and one single from our original team. We did not get that team fully back until August of 2011. Our team training date had been delayed four different times due to the changes within our team structure, another first at Avant. There were personal/spiritual differences that resulted in conflict that was hard to overcome without team training, where most of those things are brought out. We had already been delayed as a team from Jan. 2012 to summer of 2012 and with our team, in general, being new into fund raising or having struggles making benchmarks needed to leave on time; we most likely would have been delayed again.  The potential delay we thought would be unwise stewardship for those who have already been supporting us.

The thought of delay lead to some very personal choices about our family, schooling, and how our kids would operate in a bi-cultural setting. Delaying would have pushed our time on the field with our kids shorter and recently both have expressed interest in coming back to Lincoln Christian for their senior year making the transition to college easier for them, but hard for me and mom three thousand miles away in Rome. I was separated from family during my senior year and had a chance to minister to a young man who also went through that experience; both of which were not great for the overall health of the families involved. After a lot of family discussions we knew delaying would absolutely make that transition harder.

Taking all of those factors into consideration, I made a hard decision to dissolve our team by stepping down as leader. This allowed Avant, our family, and our teammates to move in separate new directions. It also allowed for us to find a need within Avant that fits closer to our gifts and time frame. Please pray for us as we consider the following options, Echo Ranch Bible Camp in Alaska or Black Forrest Academy in Germany as a dorm host family. We hope the LORD will provide clear direction soon, and that by January we can communicate to all of you the direction we will be going. The uncertainty is rather hard but we are clinging to the promises. This is not a deconstruction, but rather a reconstruction.

What other's think..

The fear of human opinion disables; trusting in God protects you from that. Proverbs 29:25 MSG


The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is safe. Proverbs 29:25 ESV


This truth is so convicting to me today. I sadly, many times measure myself by other people's standards. I am sometimes paralyzed by the expectations of others. I calculate decisions based on what other's will say, I worry about saying "no" to things because I fear people won't like me, I worry about what people will say if I "let them down", and do you know what this is called? Pride. I am prideful, I want to save face with people. I want them to like me... why?? Why do I fear man? Why do I let other's define me? 


God is humbling me, He is stretching me, releasing me from my pride...and I need Him. I need Him to hold me as I let go of my people pleasing ways.. because God isn't concerned with whether or not people like me.. He's concerned about whether or not I trust Him. Because scripture says, if I trust Him I am safe and protected from the fear of man. What other's think, say, or feel about me shouldn't matter. My identity is not in what other's say.. my identity is in Christ alone! I want to be safe and protected.. I guess it's time I trust that He will!

He Lifts me up!

There are many times in life where there are no answers. Where words cannot possibly be said to fix what's happening, you can't explain the whys and how's
of everything. As an adult I am finding myself in places and dealing with things
that I feel I should be prepared for, but realize that there is no way to prepare
yourself for things you've never experienced before or didn't foresee happening.
I am not capable of handling most of the things the world throws at me, but
with God... WITH GOD I can!  My faith sustains me. I am thankful for a
God who never leaves me or forsakes me, sometimes I just need a reminder..
I forget, I fix my eyes on the temporary and forget to fix my eyes on my Savior.
I am grateful that He never forgets me! Today is "Thankful Thursday"
and I am thankful for Jesus, that He lifts me up! Give Him all your
burdens, lay it down at His feet, and let Him lift you up!

Production week...

Production week has kicked off and our household will be a flurry of activity!! We are all very excited and I can't wait to see productions this weekend.. but I am asking for your prayers as we won't have much time to breath... pray for peace, kids to remember their lines, lighting, stage crew, hair & makeup crew, and Michael as he directs and fine tunes.. and pray that God will be glorified! We remember that we are performing for an audience of One! :) Thanks!

P.S. and pray I get the job at Von Maur! I really want it. :)