New Year!

I have been silent for quite awhile. I've been slightly overwhelmed with our current situation and I haven't felt like sharing the emotion of it.. I've chosen instead to journal in a more private way. The journey isn't over, it's really only just beginning. But the beginning to what is still unknown to us.. we have a good feeling as to what and where we'll be serving, but right now we are  journeying the possibilities as a family.

I have to say that the grief has been difficult to take, the what ifs, what could have been, should we, could we, blah, blah.. runs over my mind, over our conversations less and less these days. Praise God! We've had many verbal vomit moments and talks through every which way things are, aren't, should be, shouldn't be and we just have to release it back to God. He knows... He sees each tear, hears every plea of our hearts and loves us when we are so unlovable. I am blessed by the wisdom of our children, amazed at their focus on what really matters and reminders as we wait on the Lord... Life Happens, but God is God no matter what life brings!

I have cried more tears than I thought possible, screamed out to God in utter frustration as we've dealt with this uncertainty, and many times I've felt like we've been left on the curb or like a little ant being burned with a large magnifying glass... that pretty much sums up my emotion the last few months.. but through it all, I know that God is faithful, that He is still on the throne, that He loves me even though I fail Him every single day.. I am so grateful for His unfailing love...

Also, so thankful for our supporters, the grace they have extended us is beyond belief! They've encouraged us through prayer and continued financial support as we are in transition.. we are so thankful for their love and the many ways they have supported us as we go through this. Praising God for their faithfulness! We are blessed by amazing friends and family who have journeyed the tough times, the raw emotion of the past few months and stuck by us. I can't even fathom how draining we've been... we are going to owe these people a really nice dinner out when this is all said and done! :)

I hope to be back to a more regular update through the blog.. 2012 is going to be a great year and I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store. Pray for us as we continue into a new ministry/mission... it's going to be good to have more details to share soon we pray!